i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
