I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
