DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
