she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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