Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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