Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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