that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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