ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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