That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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