I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
