Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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