i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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