k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
