Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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