i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
