He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
