There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
