I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
