ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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