this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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