She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
