Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize