god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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