Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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