They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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