Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
