it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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