It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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