i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
