Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
