So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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