I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
