the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
