you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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