the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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