well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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