when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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