I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize