I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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