can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
