just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
