I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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