I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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