It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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