Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
