Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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