I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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