She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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