so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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