Christians are straight up FREAKS
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
