Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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