so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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