Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
