Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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