i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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