the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
