I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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