After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
