I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
