oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i think my cat just said my name.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
