hotel room ftw
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
